


Howitzer

by Hormonal_Trashbag



Category: Gintama
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/M, Sexual Content, non-graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 19:33:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5346026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hormonal_Trashbag/pseuds/Hormonal_Trashbag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were some things Gintoki could have gone his entire life without knowing about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Howitzer

**Author's Note:**

> Probably not as funny as I think it is. Just a little bit of stress relief to soothe those end of the semester woes. I should be studying for my jpn final, yet here I am. Making everything worse for myself.

Really, the Shinsengumi headquarters was the last place he wanted to be, first thing in the morning.

But, Gintoki owed Otae, and she had asked all too kindly if he would deliver a letter to her Gorilla-stalker. He didn’t need to open it to know it was yet another death threat. So, he practically threw it at Kondo’s face, and left before anyone could say anything. With every intention of escaping over a back wall, he crept past what appeared to be living quarters.

Only to be stopped by the sound of a voice he recognized. Making noises that he never, ever wanted to have the misfortune of hearing. Paired with another voice he was rather familiar with.

_“Sadist, don’t be so rough!”_

He had no right to be angry, Gintoki knew. She was an adult, and it wasn’t as if he was her father. True, she had lied by saying she was spending the night over at Soyo’s, but there was a reason she had felt the need to hide her relationship from him. She had every right to a sex life.

Then, a moment later, there was a response in the form of a grunt. _“China, you were the one who told me to go faster.”_

_"Yeah, but is the biting really necessary--"_  

What followed was a rather drawn out groan, and he had heard more than enough.

Gintoki’s left eye started to twitch. He should let it go, and approached her when she returned to the Yorozuya.

Instead of doing the rational thing, however, he marched up to the room and tore at the door. It violently slid open, crashing at the end of its track to reveal Okita Sougo hovering over Kagura, quite literally pounding into the girl he had come to see as a daughter. He clenched his fists, tempted to grab his bokuto.

“Gin-chan!” she squeaked as Sougo scrambled for the covers with a disgruntled yelp. “I can explain--”

He suddenly felt old, and that was not something he was accustomed to--nor did he want to be. Gintoki closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his pointer finger and thumb, lifting his free hand into the air to stop her.

“Give Gin-chan a second.” He had just seen bits and pieces of her and that Sadistic brat that he had never wanted to see, and he needed something of a recovery period.

Gintoki dropped both hands, watching with pursed lips as Sougo covered her with the blankets, disregarding his own exposed state. In a way, he supposed it was romantic--or something--that the young man was putting her privacy as a priority; it betrayed an intimacy that went beyond casual sex. But he knew exactly where Sougo had just been putting that _howitzer_ of his, and damn it all to hell, it made him want to puke.

“Sofa-kun,” he said at last, ignoring the urge to hurl, “do you have any idea what you’re getting yourself into?”

He was not referring to himself so much as he was to her, simply put, evil brother and her universe-renown hunter of a father.

“It’s Sougo,” he replied by habit, though he knew by now that correcting Gintoki was pointless, “and I think China’s scarier than her psychotic family...or even you.”

“What--” she started, a blush forming on her cheeks. Gintoki wondered if that was supposed to be a compliment.

“I mean,” he continued, poking at her stomach through the blankets, “where does all the food go?”

He doubled over when she elbowed in in the gut, and it dawned on Gintoki that this was flirting. He caught the pair of them going at it like wild animals, and they decide to _flirt_ in front of him. Did they think they were being cute? Was this supposed to be cute to them?

“Gin-chan can’t do this right now!” he declared, shutting the door with another slam.

Hijikata poked his head out from the neighboring room, lighting a cigarette. “Finally. Those idiots keep me up until two, and of course, first thing in the morning, what do I hear?”

Gintoki almost started an argument-- _Why didn’t the supposed Demon Vice Chief stop them?_ But he knew that question would lead to nowhere good. All that came to mind was the image of Hijikata being shot at in the middle of the night by the overly stimulated duo.

Instead, in a mature attempt to block out all sound, and to an extent the issue itself, he slapped both hands over his ears and ran.

Next time, Otae could deliver her own death threats.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think?


End file.
